Oooh, Barracuda...

Hello again Patriots.

Well, they're at it again! The "whacked-out-on-the-drug" left wingers have started launching more attacks against Sister Palin and her foreign policy experience. I thought that my last post would silence the critics, but what liberal would read good, common sense talk when there's so much of the pornography to gawk at instead? No, this time the granola-eaters are taking aim at Sarah-cuda's travels abroad. Just read this article.

If you're like me, your American Family Radio sin-ternet filter will most likely block CNN, and for good cause. I for one certainly don't want Lou Dobbs on my TV, much less in my e-vangelizing box. This article claims that Governor Palin lied about visiting troops in Iraq because she never actually crossed the Iraq-Kuwait border. Friends, If the Word has taught us anything, its that thinking about doing something is equivalent to actually doing it. For example, a person with lustful thoughts has already sinned to the equivalent level as though they had actually done the "sinner's bop" with that person. If Sister Palin thought about going into Iraq, she practically did! Now I know some of you left-wingers are going to say "That doesn't make sense!" and "I don't even believe that!" Yeah, well you can yell that on the day of Judgment as you're dropping into a fiery lake.

As if questioning her intentions weren't bad enough, these SIN-N-N reporters actually have the nerve to criticize Governor Palin's actual travel. Just look at this quote:

"...campaign aides also confirmed reports to CNN Saturday that Palin's time in Ireland on that trip had actually been a refueling stop."

As if that weren't valuable foreign experience. Folks, all you need to know about any place in the world can be learned stopping for gas. For example, I stopped in at a Texaco in North Dakota and left feeling like I had lived in the state my entire life! Between the collectors spoons, clever hats, and nice fellow giving me directions to Utah, I was practically a local! I'm sure that Sarah's time in Ireland was all she needed to gather the intelligence necessary to confirm that Ireland is just a bunch of drunken revelers waiting for their next whiskey fix. After all, what could possibly be learned about Ireland that the Sky-Ireland Sky Mall Magazine couldn't teach you?

Finally, the Wolf-Decency-Blitzers over at CNN were sure to point out that Sister Palin visited Mexico once on a personal vacation in an effort to demean her foreign travels. Friends, a novelty t-shirt is all the proof of foreign policy experience that I need. After all, what is the extent of Senator Hussein Obama's travels? Oh yeah, I'm sure that he has visited Iran to go to Mosque many times, but did he ever even stop for gas there? Of course not! It is a known fact that Camels are powered by Islamo-fascism, not gasoline! I demand to see even one Tehran collectors spoon in Sin-ator Obama's collection. I bet you'll find that he doesn't have one! However, I'll bet you'll find a "Someone in Mexico Loves Me" t-shirt in Bristol Palin's closet! Even more proof that Governor Palin is ready to lead if the Good Lord calls Brother McCain to his left Hand.

That's all for now. Remember friends, the best way to help the economy is to double your investment in the offering plate on Sunday. Nothing says "economic security" like a neon sign flashing the wisdom of Paul. Good day, and God bless.

Palin Comparison

Hello again patriots. I don't have much time to write today, as I am currently preparing for God's wrath against Galveston, TX. How fitting that the good Lord would dispatch former President Dwight Eisenhower in the form of wind and rain to wipe clean the sin of Galveston's "spring breakers" and "hussies gone wild." I hope that in another 50 years Hurri-McCain can wipe New Orleans clean again of all of its filth and excess.

Now, on to business. Some in the "so far to the left they're about to fall off the edge of the Earth (yes its flat, get over it whores of science) media" types have questioned Saintly Sarah Palin's foreign policy experience. They claim that her resume doesn't support her claims of being ready to take over in case the good Lord decides to call Brother McCain home. Now, I had my globe flattened to better represent the real shape of Earth, but I'm told that Alaska is close to Russia. What is more qualifying than that? I say that proximity is tantamount to any other factor in determining readiness. For example, Senator Obama's proximity to the inner-city as a "community organizer" in Chicago makes him qualified to be a gang-banger. I know, some of you out there will say, "Stop picking on community organizing, it's an important facet of social life!" Friends, organizing looting so that its done in a single-file line is not community organizing, it's organized thuggery. Thank you for that Senator Obama!

For proof of Sarah Palin's foreign policy prowess, just read the excerpts from an interview she gave with Charles in Charge Gibson on All Bashing Conservatives (ABC) answering a question about Russia invading Georgia:

"We have got to show the support, in this case, for Georgia. The support that we can show is economic sanctions perhaps against Russia if this is what it leads to."

Thank you Governor Palin for finally taking stand! Now, don't for a second think that I'm happy that we are spending taxpayers' money defending a state that elected Jimmy "Hug-Em-All" Carter, but consider the implications! First, Georgia goes, then goes the rest of the Bible belt! I assure you Patriots, if the Bible Belt falls, the pants of America will be down around its ankles and we will be open for any floozy, radical Islamo-fascist leader to seduce them right off of us!

What is really shocking is that the Commie left-wing media hasn't reported that America is being invaded! Are they really that willing to hike up the skirt of Capitalism and Christianity to Putin and his Red ways? We have to uncover the conspiracy to keep Georgia's invasion a secret. Let Atlanta go, but save the rest for evangelizing!

Those critics of Vice-President Palin that claim she doesn't know foreign policy clearly don't live in Georgia. Allow me to voice my support for Governor Palin and say that her beauty is only matched by her stellar qualifications and intelligence. McCain/Palin '08!

Until next time, I'll weather the storm... and so will we all. Good day, and God bless.

Kindergarten Cop

Good evening fellow patriots. Those of you that know me know that I'm no sucker for clever advertising, though I admit that I spent a brief time as a hopeless alcoholic because of those cute Bud-weis-errrr frogs. They were just too great to not over-indulge! No, I am steadfastly against all things persuasive and slick. However, I found myself truly intrigued and moved by Senator (hero) John McCain's latest ad. You can watch it here if you'd like:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NseW0UPMLtg

For those of you who refuse to have a sound card installed to fight the temptation of the pornography, I understand and have included a transcript of the ad below:

Education Week says Obama "hasn't made a significant mark on education".

That he's "elusive" on accountability.

A "staunch defender of the existing public school monopoly".

Obama's one accomplishment?

Legislation to teach "comprehensive sex education" to kindergartners.

Learning about sex before learning to read?

Barack Obama.

Wrong on education. Wrong for your family.

JOHN MCCAIN: I'm John McCain and I approved this message.

I only have one thing to say about this... well done Pres, er, Senator McCain! It is about time that someone takes a stand against kindergarten promiscuity. Now I know all of you left-wingers out there are going to watch this ad and say, "Oh, McCain is twisting the truth!" Well to you I say... what about the children? I don't know what Senator Hussein Obama's definition of "naptime" is, but I for one want to know that my child's sleeping pad won't need to be power-washed and bleached when he gets home from school. It's bad enough that our children have to go to school in those cootie-infested science-loving public schools, let's not make it worse by teaching them why Sponge Bob likes his square pants taken off. Everybody knows that milk is a natural afrodisiac, let's not pack more explosives in this already-ticking timebomb by showing them what feels the best! "Hey little Timmy, can you say 'erogenous zone?'"

Now I'm sure some of you out there will read this and say, "But what about my kindergartner's right to live the way they please to?" Sure, one day it's teaching them how to get it on after recess, the next day it's group sex and cocaine-laced cookies out by the jungle-gym! Is Sin-ator Obama really that blind to what can happen? Is this why he lets his daughters have all of those slumber parties? Take this for an example: did you know that while Senator Obama was in the Illinois legislature, kindergarten pregnancy rates did not drop even one percent?! Where is the change Senator? That sounds like more of the same! Sure, pregnant kindergartners may be cute in their Osh Kosh Be Gosh maternity jumpers, but think about the difficulty involved in being a five-year old parent! That's a lot of play dates and booster shots missed my friends.

For now, I'm signing off. I have Hannity and Colmes tivo'd so that I can pause it on Hannity while I eat dinner. Something about that face just makes me want to swallow. Good evening, and God bless.

Folksy Introduction

Aw hell Louise! The boy done went digital!


Fumin' to come soon...