Kindergarten Cop

Good evening fellow patriots. Those of you that know me know that I'm no sucker for clever advertising, though I admit that I spent a brief time as a hopeless alcoholic because of those cute Bud-weis-errrr frogs. They were just too great to not over-indulge! No, I am steadfastly against all things persuasive and slick. However, I found myself truly intrigued and moved by Senator (hero) John McCain's latest ad. You can watch it here if you'd like:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NseW0UPMLtg

For those of you who refuse to have a sound card installed to fight the temptation of the pornography, I understand and have included a transcript of the ad below:

Education Week says Obama "hasn't made a significant mark on education".

That he's "elusive" on accountability.

A "staunch defender of the existing public school monopoly".

Obama's one accomplishment?

Legislation to teach "comprehensive sex education" to kindergartners.

Learning about sex before learning to read?

Barack Obama.

Wrong on education. Wrong for your family.

JOHN MCCAIN: I'm John McCain and I approved this message.

I only have one thing to say about this... well done Pres, er, Senator McCain! It is about time that someone takes a stand against kindergarten promiscuity. Now I know all of you left-wingers out there are going to watch this ad and say, "Oh, McCain is twisting the truth!" Well to you I say... what about the children? I don't know what Senator Hussein Obama's definition of "naptime" is, but I for one want to know that my child's sleeping pad won't need to be power-washed and bleached when he gets home from school. It's bad enough that our children have to go to school in those cootie-infested science-loving public schools, let's not make it worse by teaching them why Sponge Bob likes his square pants taken off. Everybody knows that milk is a natural afrodisiac, let's not pack more explosives in this already-ticking timebomb by showing them what feels the best! "Hey little Timmy, can you say 'erogenous zone?'"

Now I'm sure some of you out there will read this and say, "But what about my kindergartner's right to live the way they please to?" Sure, one day it's teaching them how to get it on after recess, the next day it's group sex and cocaine-laced cookies out by the jungle-gym! Is Sin-ator Obama really that blind to what can happen? Is this why he lets his daughters have all of those slumber parties? Take this for an example: did you know that while Senator Obama was in the Illinois legislature, kindergarten pregnancy rates did not drop even one percent?! Where is the change Senator? That sounds like more of the same! Sure, pregnant kindergartners may be cute in their Osh Kosh Be Gosh maternity jumpers, but think about the difficulty involved in being a five-year old parent! That's a lot of play dates and booster shots missed my friends.

For now, I'm signing off. I have Hannity and Colmes tivo'd so that I can pause it on Hannity while I eat dinner. Something about that face just makes me want to swallow. Good evening, and God bless.